Female, 22

Hi yall my life is a complete mess. I was living with my abusive ex, moved in with my childhood friend 4-5 days ago (who has been flirting with me 1-2 years now but nothing happened all these years) he is such a good guy and i do sincerelly love him but a lil bit before moving out i met a guy through a sugar baby site aged 32 has two companies and we do have some great chemistry. The story starts literally two days ago when i caught my childhood friend lets call him Paul masturbating in the shower i didnt know he was because the water wasnt on and i was extremely shocked with his penis. He is white, skinny with wide back (actually skinnier than me) but his cock was darker in color and probably 18-19 cm long thick as a zuchini thats the biggest d*ck i ve seen in real life. I literally stared at it with wide open eyes for 3 seconds and stutter saying omg i m so sorry i didnt know u were here and stormed to my room. After 5 minutes or so he comes in my room starts to talk to me laughing and trying to make me feel ok by joking and hugs me. I was wearing my night romp and as we were hugging he started kissing me on the neck and grabbing my waist very aggresively so i pushed him away. I got up went and sat in the living room still shocked trying to act cool by watching random a*s ads. My mom calls me and as i picked up and started chatting with her about random stuff he comes pulls me up and unties my romb. I was so akward speaking to my mom. He started touching my Pu**y after a while he kneeled down tears my f*c*ing gstring (which i loved) and starts eating it like a f*c*ing maniac he was slurping it so good and i could barely talk with my mom who she later asked if i was in drugs. Ofc i said no mom i m just emotional and hanged up a lil after. He took me to my room and he continued eating my Pu**y he starting doing some crazy finger work which made me shake like a jiggly cheesecake. He revealed his cock once more and he asked if he can nest in. I was so horny so i said ok but take it easy with that thing. He slowly pushed it in and i couldn't fit it! Its thick and i was pretty shocked because i was wet and i m a 182 cm woman with wide hips so i expected that it would. After some practise it did fit and we did it eventually even though it was uncomfortable. The guy i mentioned i met we text everyday but we are still platonic we have such a good chemistry mostly friendly energy and now i dont know what to do i m in such a dilemma. Paul was there through thick and thin and i was there for him since high school but this event made things so akward for me. I dont want to lose him as a friend but if he only sees me romantically i would eventually. I dont count his package as a plus cause i m used to much smaller and it wasnt comfortable but i just had to try it once in my life. But now what.? I dont like Paul as a man but he knows how to work it. I dated men without doing anything s*xual 1 year now and they supported me in some ways but i dont know if i should make a normal relationship. I mostly dated this way for financial reasons and it turned out fine. Noone was feeling unsatisfied since i cleared things up from the beginning. I offered other things in return so it was always a fair trade. But what should i do with Paul. By the way he treats me all these years i can see that there is love there. He did so many sweet things to me for example when i was single and didnt have a boyfriend on valentines day he would show up with my favourite coral roses, pizza that he would cut heartshaped, cute owl/cat bracelettes or pendants. But Paul was and is very jealous even without being with him he gets so dominant and aggresive when we go out when men might look at me.. I also always treated Paul in a very caring way especially since his mom died i was so sad and tried to make him happy by cooking for him and baking his favourites cookies/desserts, ma*saging him after work (he has a very tiring job always lifting heavy stuff etc he is a medical equipment repairman). He is such a strong person but i dont know if i can see him the way he does.